What is ‘limerence’? Viral dating term & Baby Reindeer connection explained

The dating term limerence is blowing up on TikTok. But what does it mean and how is its viral status connected to Netflix’s Baby Reindeer?

Thanks to social media, dating phrases and other expressions such as “short king” and more have become day-to-day lingo for those heavily invested in TikTok culture. 

In saying this, the latest dating term to go viral on the app, “limerence”, has begun raising a big question as to the balance between love versus infatuation. This discourse has been pushed to the front of TikTok in large part due to the popularity of Netflix’s Baby Reindeer mini-series.

But what does limerence actually mean and why has it been going viral? Continue reading as we explain it all.

What does limerence mean?

According to Psychology Today, limerence is “a state of involuntary obsession with another person.”

The term limerence was first coined by Psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book Love and Limerence. 

In the book, Tennov describes limerence as the following; “Even though I know that Emily and I have absolutely no chance of making a life together, the thought of her is an obsession. I am in the position of passionately wanting someone I don’t want at all and could find no use for if I had her.”

Since the 1970s, limerence has adopted its own place in the world of relationships and when discussing the psychology behind the dynamics of emotions when a person develops an attachment to another.

Why is limerence going viral on TikTok & how is it connected to Baby Reindeer?

The emergence of discourse surrounding the word limerence has come about thanks to Netflix’s new smash hit, Baby Reindeer. 

The new mini-series details the real-life story of an up-and-coming comedian who finds his life turned upside down when a woman he offers a tea to begins to stalk him, invading all aspects of his life and putting him and his loved ones in danger over the course of almost two years.

When discussing the show with Vanity Fair, Jessica Gunning, who plays stalker Martha in Baby Reindeer, uses the expression limerence as a way to further unpack the troubling and confronting choices her character makes throughout the course of the series.

“[Limerence is] when somebody takes the smallest thing that someone might say and loads it up in their imagination…With Martha, Donny would compliment her, and she would go home and inflate that moment into something hugely romantic that means they’re meant to be together forever.”

In light of this type of relationship dynamic becoming a major discussion online, a 2023 TikTok video created by Danielle Walters unpacking the term limerence has begun going viral. 

The video, titled “anxious attachment girlies unite” has over 5.2 million views and counting. Many of which have come about in the past week despite the video being initially posted last year.

In the viral TikTok, Walters explains how, “limerence is like an unhealthy obsession or infatuation with someone without the facts, without knowing them.” 

The content creator further explained, “To us, the uncertainty of whether or not that person likes us is just an opportunity for them to prove that they do…It’s so hardwired in how our brains work.”