Borderlands review: Why were you all so worried?

Every time a new adaptation of literally anything is announced, people freak – and rightly so. Borderlands has taken things further by going rogue and railroading the franchise off-piste, and it holds. 

Why isn’t cinema original anymore? Why do we need another version of whatever we’re being presented with? These are questions we ask ourselves every nanosecond of the day, but none of it matters… the new movie or TV show is happening.

More than most remakes this year, Borderlands got the heaviest collective sigh of disappointment. Dubbed “hot garbage” before a trailer was even released, the list of things to be livid about grew organically, from its aged-up cast to deviation from the original games.

Sure, it’s fun to be a hater. But what happens when we’re also the problem? Thanks to director Eli Roth, we’ve found out – Borderlands the movie is a long way from perfect and we sure as hell won’t see it in awards season… but by God, it can be good fun.

Borderlands definitely isn’t canon, and that’s good

Let’s address the elephant in the room first – Borderlands as a movie isn’t anything like its video games. Think of it as going to the pick’n’mix in the theater foyer and only paying out for the sweets you really like.

Roth has taken this approach to his filmmaking, cobbling together characters and shards of story from every nook and cranny in the Borderlands universe, fashioning something original in a completely separate canon. It’s a conscious choice and one that he proudly stands by.

Alongside the obvious plus of making the movie accessible to new audiences, reframing what we already know is arguably a shrewd move. For the first time, we’re not the star of the show… the Borderlands characters are playing us instead. They’re making the calls, disrupting the framework, and rewriting the narrative, and they deserve their moment. 

There’s no denying that video game adaptations this year have been absolute bangers, with Fallout leading the charge when it comes to play-by-play remakes. Perhaps Roth knew there would be no winners if he tried to do the same (whenever is there, really?) 

We’re not seeing much more than outlandish and juvenile fun in Borderlands, but it’s the commitment to balls-to-the-wall ignorance that makes the movie something you’re going to be talking about after. And you’re going to be talking about it.

These crass peaks and pits pepper the traditional ‘lone ranger embarks on a quest of a lifetime’ plot that make us feel like kids at a sleepover. Remember the time Ariana Greenblatt got blasted with a faceful of ‘pisswash’? Good, good times.     

Cate Blanchett is basically Lara Croft 2.0

Lionsgate

Where Borderlands might be lacking in nuance, meaning, and anything outside a 14-year-old’s frame of reference, it doubles down in glory with its cast. 

The holy trinity of women over 50 – Cate Blanchett, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Gina Gershon – are doing the heavy lifting, which is probably the biggest “f**k you” a live-action adaptation can give to a world that hates anyone who isn’t a ‘typical’ player.

Roth clearly knows he lucked out getting Blanchett as his lead. She’s described the film as “saving” her in the pandemic, but it’s really her who’s making the whole thing worthwhile. 

It’s a rockstar move to have a 55-year-old effortlessly gunslinging and doing all her own stunts in a main role – and while that’s not something we should dwell on, we also can’t deny that this alone makes Borderlands incredibly pioneering. 

She pulls it off, too. There’s a saying that if you put a lesbian (or in this case, lesbian icon) in anything, you’ll have an automatic crowd hooked on watching – and as it’s Cate, this extends to the rest of the world.

People aren’t watching the action movie because they think it will be great… they will watch it based on its cast and then realize its quiet value. A smart strategy for solid performances. 

You’ve just gotta have fun with this one, people

Lionsgate

It would be idiotic to even suggest the Borderlands backlash will disappear once the film is released. It’s here to stay… and we have to check ourselves as much as anyone involved in making the movie.

There’s a large part of it that’s deserved. It’s not the most creative handle on filmmaking, the script is forgettable at best, and it would have definitely fared better being released about 15 years ago. But it’s not that horrendous.

If we were being really philosophical, Borderlands marks a chance for us to finally get a grip on the films we lose our minds over. We’ve tried and failed pretty recently (ahem, Star Wars, Marvel movies that weren’t Deadpool & Wolverine), but what better opportunity to show that we’re totally au fait with creative license when it comes to existing IPs we know and love? Right?

Because when you get down to it, Borderlands is a mindless laugh, and we need one. It’s completely stayed within its own visual identity while using the rest of its framework as a playground of what could be possible. 

As it turns out, that’s watching Jack Black twerk as a one-eyed robot. And we’re more the richer for seeing that!

Borderlands review score: 3/5

Whether it’s Roth, the cast, or the story itself, absolutely nobody gives a sh*t in Borderlands… and the movie is all the better for it. It’s far from the greatest movie in the world, but were we actually expecting much?

It’s not going to be a play-by-play of 2009’s Pandora – and to get anything at all out of this film, we’ve got to be okay with that.

Borderlands is in cinemas from August 8. Find out more on Borderlands 3 shift codes and everything we know about Borderlands 4.

You can also check out the latest updates on Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 and new movies streaming this month.