The Substance review: Amazingly, there isn’t any

It’s going to be the horror movie that divides opinion more than any other in 2024, and we’ve got a particularly hot take. The Substance isn’t just bad filmmaking, it’s insulting. Warning: minor spoilers ahead.

Horror movies that superficially make you scream are so 1990s. Seven months into the year and we’ve been spoiled with scary new movies that have just as much bite as they do bark. So when MUBI announced an ominous new body horror, it should have been a slam dunk.

We learned little in the trailer, and that worked. Demi Moore – yes, she’s back and ballroom dancing – wants a better, younger version of herself after being kicked out of her job for being too old, who comes in the form of Margaret Qualley. To get a Qualley clone, she injects the Substance like it’s Calpol.

Does it all have a happy ever after? No! Is there a final 20-minute sequence bonkers enough to rival the end of Dario Argento’s Phenomena? Yes! But take the blood, goo, and vomited boobs out of The Substance and you’re left with an idea that is so basic in its backward thinking, it’s adding absolutely nothing to the genre or a wider society that’s in its fourth wave of feminism.

Every woman should be insulted by the hagsploitation

If you are reading this, you’re likely to be scouring the internet for every single opinion on The Substance before you’ve even seen it, and as expected, you’re going to find a healthy mix of heated opinions. This is either a 5 or 1 star experience for many, and through chats I’ve had with friends and colleagues, the answer why is obvious.

In my eyes, the new horror movie doesn’t speak to women and men in the same language. Yes, there plenty of men and women who have thoroughly enjoyed watching this. But from personal experience, there’s also a separate conversation touching a deeper nerve.

Speaking to my male friends, they seem more likely to think of The Substance as a triumphant masterpiece, something so shocking and visceral that it will stay with them for a long time to come. Compare that to the messages I’ve had from female friends telling me they’ve hated it – and having watched myself – I’ve drawn the conclusion that its thinking predates its release.

What I mean by this is simple: The Substance is having a conversation about women’s aging – and society’s reaction – being the biggest horror there is. But this is a monologue, not a dialogue. The rest of the world, and its women, have moved on, making The Substance’s choice of approach much scarier than anything we see on screen.

MUBI

As Elisabeth (Moore) desperately tries to get her fitness instructor job back with the help of new-her Sue (Qualley), the storyline seems to forgo a key element of understanding any woman: rational thinking. If you’ve ever known a desperate woman, you will know she still stops to consider every last detail of what she is about to get herself into. Her mind is complex, her peace is precious, and her physicality definitely isn’t the be-all and end-all. It’s not the 1950s.

None of this is taken into account in The Substance. Instead, we’re left with a vapid take on making one of the most beautiful women in the world (Demi always has been and always will be) into an old hag.

There is an argument to be had that all too often, horror becomes something many have termed as “hagsploitation.” The simple definition is exactly what happens to Elisabeth Sparkles. It appears as feminism but isn’t actually feminism at all, trotting out all the old tropes of beauty-gone-wrong to miss the guts of its subject matter completely.

People don’t always see the difference. So ask yourself the question… is The Substance really doing what it thinks it is?

This gets more mind-boggling when you realize the film is the brainchild of Coralie Fargeat. In other words, it’s a woman’s take on women’s issues, resonating mostly with men. Fargeat has talked about how it’s women’s everyday lives, and the judgment surrounding it, that is the true horror story. But it doesn’t actually seem like she has a developed grasp on what we experience as a given.

This isn’t the Demi Moore renaissance she deserves

MUBI

As a lesbian who came to be during the release of Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, I have been waiting for the Demi Moore renaissance for the best part of 20 years. And there’s no doubting one thing – she’s absolutely belting in this. Consistently tapping into a guttural, primal instinct and manifesting on screen in a way we’ve never seen her before, she’s bound to be in awards contention.

Yet, as remarkable as she is, Moore deserves so much more than what she has to work with. There’s no doubt that her return to the big screen will be a glorious one, bringing her back into industry conversations she should never have left.

But it feels so uninspired to bring a woman known and marketed for her ongoing beauty to suddenly be made conventionally “ugly.” Conventionally old. Conventionally angry by behavior that is construed as shocking. It’s a ruse you cannot buy.

Qualley’s Sue – seriously, how are we supposed to believe the it girl of tomorrow is called Sue? – has her own chops, single-handedly turning Moore into the haggard monster we know she will become. She’s who you would have described 10 years ago as a b*tch, tapping into the Alexis Carrington school of throwing other women under the bus (another overused trope). She hits her brief, lycra and all.

We’re left with questions and fits of laughter

MUBI

If you’re anything like me, your mind will be abuzz with questions while watching The Substance, just probably not the kind Fargeat is expecting.

Why are there zero instructions that come with the substance itself, which really should have a manual befitting IKEA furniture? Why has Elisabeth not stopped to think that maybe she’d like to take a road trip, write a book, or be a new panelist on The View?

Surely Sue would have needed planning permission for her bathroom modifications, with some landlord on her ass like a fly on chips? And how did Elisabeth get into the shower when it has no doors?

Someone described the film to me as “making the wrong decision at every turn,” and these small blemishes build up to a bigger mistake.

Successfully working past all of the above means you can certainly appreciate that aesthetically and sonically, the movie is pleasing. A pounding soundtrack and visuals that only could have worked on MUBI, you’re often too hepped up by its sheer overwhelmingness to be annoyed by gripes and old grandma nudity.

The Substance then goes full giallo for its ending, with a 20-minute-too-long gutbuster of a final scene. Instead of being a horrifying spectacle in line with any Saw movie, the hilarity of what’s unfolding almost makes the movie worth watching. There’s probably supposed to be a heartfelt commentary on women’s beauty standards here, but the ship of believability sailed some two hours before.

In fact, I laughed so much that I almost made myself sick. And if I’m being really honest… I’d watch the whole thing again just for that send-off.

The Substance review score: 1/5

Let’s make this clear – I never, ever wanted to dislike The Substance. I still don’t. I was beside myself with excitement when it was announced, a feeling that remained through its cryptic trailer drops. If nothing else, I was fully in for Demi.

The result? No movie has ever made me this frustrated or infuriated. I’ve sat with my thoughts for a few weeks to fully digest how I feel, and I’ve only become more dismayed with what I watched.

The Substance could have been something so groundbreaking and forward-thinking, changing the body horror game as we know and love it. Instead, it’s an early learning center guide to misogyny for a conversation we needed about 30 years ago, not now.

The Substance hits theaters on September 20. For more scares, check out the best serial killer documentaries of all time, the best horror movies on Prime Video, and the best scary films from Neon. You can also find more new movies streaming this month.