When to pee during Wicked

Wicked is two hours and 40 minutes long, and that’s a considerable amount of time. So if you’re worried about your pea-sized bladder, I’ve worked out the five best points to pee during the new Wicked movie.

As far as life goes, I’m an anxious girlie. I like to plan for every possible outcome in every possible situation, but if I don’t have access to a toilet, I’ll have a meltdown. Doing the job I do, I get a bit nervous when a new movie is around the three-hour mark.

Enter Wicked. Testing my ability to love musicals as well as my ability to sit in one place, missing a single second could mean Oz topples over while I’m not looking.

Given I’ve already seen it, I’ve taken this panic into consideration for my fellow Bad Bladder Buddies (Bad B’s for short). Without further ado, I present you with five chances you’re safest to take for peeing during Wicked. 

Within the first minute

Universal Pictures

Okay, this one is blindingly obvious. Picture it – you’ve got too invested in talking rubbish to the person next to you, or you’re still waiting in the snack queue for an overpriced popcorn bucket (another bugbear of mine). 

All of a sudden, ‘No One Mourns the Wicked,’ is belting out of the screen, and you freeze. Do you make the quick trip to the bogs or hope you can last for a nearly three-hour turn?

Here’s my advice: take the chance. If you can get in and out within the first minute of the movie, you’re not missing anything you don’t already know. We’re basically retracing our steps from the Wizard of Oz. 

The Wicked Witch of the West is dead thanks to Dorothy, and Glinda is left to tell the people of Munchkinland. Much like we see in the original 1939 movie, they’re absolutely ecstatic. The journey to getting there is in the remaining 2 hours and 39 minutes… so be quick. 

Fiyero’s introduction

Universal Pictures

At least an hour into Wicked is your next best bet. Elphaba and Glinda are all settled in at Shiz until the arrival of Prince Fiyero threatens to destroy their blossoming friendship. He’s a showman but as thick as a plank, meaning he’s perfect for Glinda.

This also means he adds little to no value to the storyline – at least, he doesn’t yet. After his initial introduction, he parades around Shiz singing ‘Dancing Through Life,’ which is all about how it’s more enjoyable to learn nothing and be ignorant.

Translated, it also means you’re safe to escape to the bathroom. 

‘I’m Not That Girl’

Universal Pictures

This is easily the most popular choice for a Wicked pee break, given the mass exodus of panicked faces I saw in my own screening. It’s just after Elphaba and Fiyero set the caged lion cub free and admit they have feelings for one another.

It’s a slow number, with Elphaba brooding over how she can never truly be with Fiyero because of who she is. In other words, it’s a Debbie Downer moment. There’s something in the human psyche that equates a musical power ballad with needing to pee, and there’s no exception here.

Given that we know exactly what she’s trying to say, you once again won’t be missing much if you take the opportunity to get up. What’s even better is that Elphaba doesn’t just sing this number once (without spoiling anything), so you can have the best of both worlds. 

‘A Sentimental Man’

Universal Pictures

The next choice is after we’ve met up with the Wizard himself (you do not want to move during ‘One Short Day’ let me tell you). 

We know that our Wizard is essentially a con artist. He’s trying to harness Elphaba’s magic because he has little of his own, with all his eccentric decor and fancies merely a front for his overwhelming averageness. 

So listening to him sing about how much he cares about Oz – which isn’t sincere in the slightest – could only make you unnecessarily annoyed. As great as Jeff Goldblum is (he is Jeff Goldblum, after all), we get enough of him in much better scenes to make this one worth missing. 

After ‘Defying Gravity’

Universal Pictures

Congrats! You’ve successfully seen Wicked without needing to pee once. I’ve got a mental image of you busting out the screen doors on your way to the bathrooms like a champion racehorse. The bad news for you is ‘Defying Gravity’ is a longer number, and you absolutely don’t want to miss a single second.

The good news is Wicked follows the Broadway show to a T. It’s the final scene in the movie, and there are no post-credits surprises you need to stick around for. As soon as the screen turns black, you’re free to make a break for it. 

If you want to make it to this stage without moving, you’ll need to manage your drink intake with military precision. Book a seat that’s on an aisle and close to an exit, and if you can, spring for somewhere with reclining seats. It makes all the difference, trust me.

Wicked Part 1 is out worldwide on November 22. In the meantime, catch up with its age rating and what we know so far about Wicked Part 2.

You can also check out upcoming Disney releases, new movies streaming this month, and the best movies of the year so far.